Realistic

Posted by Aiden Chan on February 28, 2010 in

I had never use Chinese to update my blog since long time ago…
I am using English for a long time…

I am being used to write in English…
But I miss the writing style in Chinese…

The variety of words…
Same word but had different meaning…
This is the special of Chinese word…
I miss all of those…

Why am I writing in English?
This is because I want to improve my English language…
But seem like nothing had improved…

I am moody yesterday…
My birthday is coming soon…
I should be happy for it but in fact not…

I had thinking about many things yesterday night…
It makes me lose sleep…

What I want?
What I actually need and want now?
What is the meaning of me to live in this world?

What happened to me?

I don’t know about it…

My birthday is coming soon…
This means that I will be 20 years old soon after my birthday…
Think back about it…
I had graduate 3 years from secondary school…

Think back about it…
What I had done in these 3 years?
Is that any changing on me?

I have no answer for it…
Seem like I always look back and live in the past…
The most special and successful thing that I had done in these 3 years was graduated from certificate…
And then?

I can’t figure out any special or meaningful thing which I had done in these 3 years…

I know what I actually want and need in the past time…
But now is totally different with the past self…

Time is passing forward…
And I just let it passing…

I had changed a lot in different aspect…
I lost what I should persist in…
What happened to me?

Other people were following their dream…
How about me? What I had done for it?
I just sitting here and do nothing for my dream…
I just look back all those memory…
Totally no plan and action for my future…
My dream was far from me than last time…

My thirst for knowledge is weakness than past time…
I am turning a blind eye to the entire thing which surrounds me…
And I am being realistic also…
I lost my innocent…

The realistic was killing my dream and my mind…
Environment changed everything…

I thought I will be the winner of this war…
I thought I will never change myself…

But in fact is different…
Actually I am the loser in this war…
I am being defeated by the environment…
I am being defeated by present self which are in changing…

What happened to me?

Realistic make me be mature…
The thing which bring along with mature is lost…
Lost my innocent…

Now I only know that this is what called mature…

Don’t know what I should do now…
The semester 2 result will be release on tomorrow…
Hope everything will be fine and can get a successful result…
God bless…

I had talked with Kitty yesterday…
I am freaking happy to talk with her…
Because it makes me feel relax when talking with her…
Maybe do not have any conflict between us…
Thank you Kitty… ^^

Talking with Kitty just like talking with ab…
Feel relax and happy…
Thank you Ab also… ^^

Chat with both of you makes me feel like past time…
Get back something I had lost in the past…

I admit that I am realistic sometimes…
I admit that I am incisive sometimes…

But I only will be like that when face to certain issues…

Nobody knows what in the cockles of my heart…
I am not brave like what you expected to me….

But my image is totally different with what had in my mind…
Well… I am being used to it since long time ago…

Your face show out what your mind is…
I can only change my mind by the way to affect my image…

Sorry to my friends about all of it…
I am fine…
I just want to realize my feeling…
Don’t worry about me… ^^

Just now go to my friend’s blog…
Ah moon.. ^^

I started to question myself after read her blog…

I am being lazier recently…
No power and no interested in doing anything else…
Do nothing everyday…

Is the realistic changing me?

I just want to say that…

Flashback to the memory I had passed through…
Finding myself which lost in the past…

Find back what belong to me and what originally I am…
Ignore any realism issues…

Makes my dream from dreaming into processing…
Therefore my dream was not only a dream…

I want to walk away from this realistic world…

have a nice day...^^